The Best Project Management Jokes Shared By Project Managers

Being a project manager is not an easy job. It requires management skills, leadership skills, communication skills, and of course, project management skills. The LinkedIn group Humor in Project Management is a place where project managers from all around the world share their favorite jokes, quotes, and funny anecdotes, but also advice and best practice tips. We decided the group members to share their favorite PM jokes with us and the response was very enthusiastic. The jokes shared were often times self-deprecating, with a hint of gallows humor, but still show the passion PMs have for their profession. And they also serve as a How-Not-To guide to PM. 

Thank you to everyone in the group who has contributed to this blog post!

Here are the best project management jokes shared by real PMs, in no particular order: 

Infographic The Best Project Management Jokes Shared By Real Project Managers

Share this Image On Your Site

Transcript

Prem sutesh 

"Project delivered on time!" 

Yuri Kogan

"Full understanding between Project Manager and stakeholders."

"There is no difference between product and process."

Kevin Gorman, PMI-PMP 

"Don't worry....it runs by itself!"

Gail Doss 

"No training needed, it's obvious how it works."

Selvi Chockalingam 

"Project to be delivered yesterday!"

Charlotte Uhlott 

"I want a CRM system - and I want it now!"

Sharon Hearst 

"You see you worried about nothing - we delivered in the end."

Sagarika Basak, PMP, ITIL (Immediate Start)

"The budget you have [been] given is more than enough."

"There is absolutely no risk or dependency. It is a straight forward project."

Diana Parker 

"We'll make up the time later."

JayMichael Neill 

"This one can practically manage itself!" 

Josef Fohringer

“We agree hundred percent with your requirement (€#@$₩₩×+#) and we recognise its value for the benefit of this project and we will consider it throughout the design and we will implement it to your full and complete satisfaction, however, ...”

Jim Peters

"We believe our PMs need a work-life balance, and we don't want them working extra hours."

Paul Beal

"It's often difficult to remember the objective of the project was to drain the swamp when you're up to your neck in alligators!!!"

Bill Resnik, PMP

"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it."

"Good, fast, or cheap... Pick any two."

"If I had wanted it tomorrow, I would have asked for it tomorrow!"

Cindy Spencer

"Build the schedule based on these dedicated resources..."

Zhong Wei Wang 

"Manager: I just assigned you a project.
PM: Great!
Manager: It started a month ago.
PM: Great..."

Rosy Garcia,PMP

"But... it worked in QA!"

Matthew Henry

"90/10 rule... The remaining 10% of the budget is allocated to the other 90% schedule."

Cecilia Rabadán 

"Manager: You own the project.

PM: Yes!

Manager: You have to release!

PM: No sorry, we are not ready yet!

Manager: You have to release!

PM: I don't think it is a good idea. Not now.

Manager: You have to release!

PM: We need another week to make sure all runs well. Some more testing.

Manager: You have to release!

PM: It is not ready...I don’t advice...

...

M: It did not work. It's your fault. Why did you release....?"

José Roberto Cavalcante Alves

Geplanus PM comic strips: http://geplanus.tumblr.com/